Howdy Everyone! I hope that this post finds you well. This world is a really ugly and sad place right now, and I am here to try and be a bit of a weirdo to brighten it up for you. SO. On that note. How ya’ll been? It has been a few days since I posted on here.

COVID was a bitch and a half. I am not even kidding. Here is a list of what I had to deal with:

• 100+ Fever
• Body aches, couldn’t really move
• sore throat
• cough / congestion

Please do not get a visit from Ms. Rona. I mean she has already claimed the lives of 1,000,000 people. She need to go. I wish people would take better care of their health. People are so eager to get outside and do this and do that, I get it. It isn’t fun. It hasn’t been fun these past few years. But I want this shit gone. I don’t want to see GoFundme’s about people dying from COVID anymore. Please, wear a mask still, wash your hands, use hand sanitizer, and avoid large crowds. I have a feeling this summer is going to push us back about 3 years. Hopefully I am proven wrong.

I did end up going into work. I took shit slow. I also brought a bottle of #Lysol to work with me and sprayed everything if I touched it. I didn’t want to get accused of being the one to get everyone sick at work. And I realized. I probably should have taken more time off. I am blessed by my job. Even still we are getting paid and it doesn’t count against our sick time / vacation, I am one of the lucky ones. I was only in the office 2x this week. Tuesday and Wednesday. By the time I left on Wednesday, a total of 3 people I work with had the virus. The issue that I kept dealing with is whenever I do anything…. my body flushes. My skin turns red / pink and I get a really high fever for like a few minutes. I went to reshelve a book, and had to take a 10 minute break because I started sweating so much…. I am ready for all these lingering symptoms to make their fuckin way out.

The reason I ended up only working 2 days this week is because I had a doctors appointment today, and then its Memorial Day weekend. My husbands birthday just so happens to be this Saturday, so I figured why not just make it a super long weekend?

So today I had the doctor. Not normal doctor, an eye doctor. I usually am cheap as hell and go to America’s Best because hey, all I need is to see, and they get me my contacts super fast. Also, I bought a pair of $450.00 glasses about 6 years ago, and refuse to give them up, so I just change the lenses (I am getting all 450 outta these bitches.) But when I went to the doctor at the start of the year, I noticed an increase in floaties in my eyes, I had a lot of pressure, and felt like a contact or something was stuck back there.

First… I get to the doctor at 10:10 AM for a 10:30 AM appointment. I get checked in, and then they are like wait around the corner. So I see a few people, and am like cool, probably not too long. Then I realize there is another hallway……FUCK ME…. I didn’t end up seeing anyone until 11:45. They numbed and checked the pressure tested me, it was normal. They then dialted my eyes. Now… I have never had that done before. I had a test done that checks for glaucoma that didn’t involve dialation. This was something else. She is like, “I am going to have to hold your eyes open.” And she did. Why? Because the light was just way to damn bright and she wouldn’t stop shining the damn light! I was crying tears. And then, there was NO circulation in the room so I immediatly went to fever / flush mode and she was like “Are you OK? Your are extremly hot right now.” A besides being like “Obviously *wink wink*” I was like get the light outta me eyes!

In the end, it turns out that one of my eyes has a narrow nerve and that I will probably deal with glaucoma later in life. But hey, that is years from now, and we are living in the PRESENT PEOPLE!!!

WARNING!!! TMI ALERT — Involves medical related testing — Be an Adult people

You

Have

Been

Warned!!!!!

Soooo….I am going to get into a little something. I have extreme anxiety. Like crazy amounts. I don’t think I have relaxed since I was 5 years old. I have always been on edge and I have self diagnosed everything in the book. So my brain only really allows me to put something to bed if I go see a doctor for the specific issue and they tell me everything is okay. I have been this way since my early teens. I’ve seen doctors for everything under the sun. Guess what? So far, nothing. If you are ever reading this mom, I know, you told me so. Whatever. But here is some of the crazy things I’ve done.

I’ve had my balls ultrasounded 2x. Yep, you read that right. First time they thought I might have testicular torsion (when your boys get twisted and don’t untwist and ouch.) The second time, they thought I might have a hernia. Both times, nothing. I cannot tell you what it is like, at thitry something walking into a BEAUTIFUL blonde woman who immediatly told me to drop my pants and place my boys on a towel. If I was a straight dude, I would have had issues. But me being me, I am asking 100 million questions as she wands my balls, like its not even happening. I mean what else do you do? I am not going to be quiet, and I want to know if I am broken. I don’t care what organ / body part it is.

I also have had a doctor AND her student stick a finger up my ass. I know. I know I know this is way too much info. But I need to get it out of me. Along with my first ball ultrasound, I had to see Urology. The doctor was like, Ok, we need to check your prostate to see if it is messed up. I said whatever. She does her thing, and then had the gall to ask if her student doctor could also examine me. At this point, im pantsless and bent over an exam table. I told em have at it! It is all in the name of education! Touch my butt! Lol. I fucking can’t with myself sometimes. Also, this is good practice for the future seeing as prostate exams are part of growing up, and especially since my dad had prostate cancer, I know the finger is in my future!

I’ve also seen so many doctors for STI testing. Even though I have been with my husband for 13 years…. I still get tested all the time and STILL have panic attacks waiting for the results. Why am I the way I am? It’s all in my braiiiiiinnnnn!!!!

So what is with the title of this post? Wellll….. I gotta shit in a box. Literally. I have had some tummy issues, and my gram died of colon cancer, and so immediatly, I am like OK, I have a 90% chance of getting cancer (even though medically not accurate.) So the doc is like you can take this test. So after the eye doctor, we drive over to the other building to pick up this test. I walk in the room, the lady is like ‘You here for the poop test?” and I almost lost it. She was explaining things to me, and I was dying inside. Like the things she was telling me seemed like common sense, but I guess some people don’t get it. So now… I have to shit in a box and drop it off so they can see what is going on with me. So, what is probably nothing to begin with, has brought me to this point in my life. I hope you are happy brain, its all your fault.

I think I am done oversharing right now. And I just wanted to let ya’ll know the reason I am so comfortable saying this shit online is because people are ALWAYS embarassed and there is no reason to be. We are human, our bodies are weird, we don’t understand them all the time. If something hurts, go to the fucking doctor if you can. If you don’t have insurance, find someone who works on a sliding scale or free but try and see someone. The US is so behind in healthcare comapred to the rest of the world its sad. Boys, check on your boys, and ladies, check on your girls. Make sure you are taking care of yourselves.

I hope that you all have a blessed day, and a great weekend. If nobody has told you this yet today, remember, YOU ARE AMAZING, don’t forget it. Stay safe, stay healthy, and enjoy life!